Puja Sachdev | March 16, 2021 | Child Custody

How to Get a Narcissist to Reveal Themselves

Being married to a narcissist can be a challenging experience. Divorcing a narcissist is worse. Learning how to expose a narcissist may be the only way to win a custody battle with a narcissist. 

Working with an experienced family law attorney might help. A divorce lawyer deals with all types of personalities, including the narcissistic ex-wife and the narcissistic husband. Your lawyer can work with mental health professionals to develop a strategy for how to divorce a narcissist and win. 

What is a Narcissist? 

A narcissist is not someone who just likes to look at their image in a mirror or post hundreds of selfies. A narcissist is a diagnosable personality disorder. It is someone who has a lack of empathy and a delusional sense of self-worth.

The problem is the narcissist is also a master manipulator. They appear strong and confident. A narcissist may also appear accommodating and can easily charm other people, including judges, social workers, and even some therapists.

The question becomes how to expose the malignant narcissist without appearing to be the negative spouse in the marriage.

The Problem Arises in Custody Cases

A spouse living with a narcissist understands that the charming person that everyone sees is really a combative, controlling, and abusive person. Unfortunately, children may not notice these qualities because the narcissistic parent manipulates the children. 

Therefore, you may ask yourself how to prove a narcissistic father manipulates your children to side with him? You may think you will never find out how to win a custody battle against a narcissist or how to get children away from a narcissistic ex who continues to cause trouble.

The answer is exposing a narcissist in court for everyone to see. 

How to Get Child Custody From a Narcissist?

Your ex-partner may have developed some narcissist divorce tactics, but you can battle those. When you meet with your lawyer, have your evidence ready. You need to provide your attorney with examples of how your spouse’s behavior proves that they have narcissistic tendencies. 

Common symptoms of a narcissistic personality disorder include:

  • An exaggerated sense of self-importance
  • Sense of entitlement
  • Requires excessive, constant admiration
  • Exaggerates talents and achievements
  • Monopolize conversations
  • Looks down on people and belittles them
  • Takes advantage of others to get what they want
  • Preoccupied with fantasies of power, success, and brilliance
  • Arrogant and haughty manner
  • Envious of others
  • Unwillingness or inability to recognize feelings and needs of others

Narcissists have trouble handling anything they perceive as criticism because they do not believe they make mistakes. They can become angry and impatient. They may also react with contempt and rage. 

Give your lawyer specific examples of your spouse’s behavior that fits into the symptoms of a narcissist. The more your custody attorney knows about your spouse, the better they can prepare to question them in court or in front of a mediator or child advocate.

The key is to get your spouse to react poorly by using their narcissistic tendencies against them. Asking questions that allow your spouse to inflate their contribution as a parent will fit right into a narcissist’s desire to show off superior skills. 

Your lawyer then switches to questions that contradict every good intention your spouse expressed just minutes ago. For example, your spouse is likely to tell the judge that he spends time with his kids every week. They go to the park, and he is at every little league game.

However, you have records you kept showing that your spouse has not attended one game or seen his children in weeks or months. When your lawyer begins questioning your spouse with facts and dates, he is likely to react poorly. Questioning his honesty and dedication is likely to make him angry, which is what you want the judge or other family law professionals to witness. 

Do Not Allow Yourself to Be Manipulated in Court

What happens when a narcissist loses in court? They get angry if they believe they are beginning to lose a custody case. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated.

Your spouse may try to make you look bad in court. Do not respond to allegations your spouse may level at you or apologize for anything. Regardless of what your spouse might say in court, remain calm. 

You want the judge to see you as being the level-headed, stable parent. Your lawyer will get to the truth. Be careful not to allow your facial expressions or body reactions to give away anger or frustration. 

Key Takeaway About Beating a Narcissist in Family Court

The key takeaways that you need to remember:

  • Document everything with facts, dates, and copies of any communications
  • If other people witnessed your spouse’s behavior, tell your lawyer immediately
  • Remain calm during each court appearance or meeting involving your spouse
  • Do not react to anything your spouse says – allow your attorney to handle it

Find a divorce lawyer that understands how to handle a narcissist and hire them immediately. The sooner you have an attorney on your side to fight this battle, the better it will be for you and your children.

For more information, call our law firm at (619) 866-3756 or reach out to us via email by visiting our contact us page.

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